The evening sun was looming larger and more fiery than usual across the shorter horizon of the meadows surrounding Sanctuary. Joe had to be back by eight at night for that day so Frank drove Joe back to the institution immediately. Since they had a few hours or so to kill before time was up, the two brothers decided to settle for the calming landscape of a wide open space; green crunchy carpeting; nodding drops of sunshine and the occasional swaying trees canopied by the multi-colored sky of orange fading down to pink.

"Are you all right?" Frank had been driving with a silent companion for the journey back to Sanctuary but he knew Joe’s quietness was not due to a mind opaque to his surroundings. Joe was clutching the report in a death grip while blue eyes shadowed over with troubles of the heart. His kid brother was gathering his thoughts- his lips were trembling with something to say.

Joe nodded to his query but it was done after some deliberation- definitely not one of those mindless answers to get Frank off his back. Usually a very patient man, Frank decided then that a year was too long a time to wait for Joe to open up to him.

Moreover, he knew Joe was close to bursting out with whatever he was struggling with inside.

"Is there something on your mind?"

"Something."

"I’m all ears."

"Not now."

"Is this the right time to get you to talk to me? Not just dropping of hints or anything vague. Can you tell me what’s making you so afraid…so closed up? There’s a distance between us and it’s not due to the fact that our bond is weakened. It’s all the secrets you hide from me and everyone else. You used to be able to tell me everything but now, when listening really matters, you won’t talk…" Frank spoke first, staring at the changing hues of the heavens, watching as vaporous mists glided across the sky to form into meaningless shapes. From the corner of his eyes, he saw shifts of movements. Joe, who was right beside him, huddled himself tighter and Frank waited.

Something poked at his leg and he looked down to see the edge of the medical report jabbing his calf. He took it and raised a brow at Joe who nodded to the report and wordlessly indicated for him to read it. Frank understood then. The contents of the report was pertinent to whatever Joe had to say thus he unfolded it and as he read, his eyes grew larger and wider with horror at the history it hinted to.

"Don’t ask me anything, don’t make a sound, don’t even try to look at me, Frank. Just… just remain like that. If you want to know everything…at least the things I remember… just stay where you are. It’s not easy to…" Joe swallowed the end of his sentences but Frank understood perfectly. The blond man exhaled heavily and sucked in a deep breath. Frank could hear the tears not yet fallen.

Silence descended all too expectedly and the only sounds that penetrated its walls were the song of the leaves singing to the dance of the wind. But those sounds too dissipated as Joe’s ragged breath grew relatively louder. Soon, when language took the place of quietness, the sounds retreated to make way for the speaker to break the long, aching spell of silence. For close to a year, he had been bearing the burden alone until words failed to convey the fear and agony that must have ripped him apart.

The world faded away. Panoramic stretches of vibrantly soothing scenery washed away to a colorless pallor. Frank was only aware of the images that pierced his soul- images conjured up by Joe’s candid confessions that were all too terrifying, making Frank feel like a pervert for being cursed with a graphical thinking faculty. Dead quiet returned when there were no more words left to speak. By the time Joe finished, the sky was black and resigned to the darkness it must return to when the spell of daylight broke.

The young man next to him was breathing erratically- his eyes were spilling tears.

It was then Frank felt the promise to remain still no longer counted. He thought he would feel anger, hatred or at the very least, the deepest sense of disgust at those who stole innocence away and drowned it in the black, oily waters. Maybe they had their excuses but Joe was made to pay for their frustrations and anger at the world in which they were condemned to. There was something wrong and intrinsically evil and it was all the more overbearing because it happened to the person who was a part of him the most. However, those products of hatred did not enter, not yet anyway. All he felt was an aching that was terrible not only because it was painful, but because he knew it would take the longest time for it to fade out, if it ever did.

He turned and saw Joe staring blankly into thin air.

"I tried my best, Frank. I tried to fight off Alan’s attackers. I tried to stop them all. And after, I tried to pretend nothing really ever happened to me. But when he came to ask me to be some witness, I can’t lie to myself to anymore… I want to help myself but I don’t think I’m strong enough," Joe’s voice drifted off to a whimper and he brought his hands to cover his face. Frank saw trickles of anguished tears streaming down Joe’s forearms and formed hanging drops of precious pearls at the elbows. Slowly, some drops became overburdened and they fell onto the rank soil and became nothing.

Without a second thought, Frank pulled his brother into an embrace but he needed assurance too- assurance to know that Joe was going to be all right. He and his father always suspected but when the suspicions became actuality- the truth was too breaking.

Frank was afraid. He was scared to death for his brother.

But for then, he had to push his fears behind. He had to be brave for Joe and he needed to let Joe know it was all right to let it go- that it was all right to lean on somebody else for support when the cross was overbearing. Moreover, they were brothers and Frank was more than willing to heft the load for Joe and help him build the strength again to walk on his own.

"It’s ok. Everything is going to be all right. It’s all over. All over. I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I promise… you trust me? Don’t distance yourself from us…" Frank murmured and, abruptly, Joe pushed him away and he fell onto the ground. His agitated brother stood up and shook his head violently, staring at him with suspicions, wagging a finger at Frank.

"Don’t say that! Don’t say it’s all over coz it’s NOT! It’s not over! Didn’t you read it? I’m living with this everyday and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my damn life! You don’t understand! No one does. It gets so lonely and I don’t know what to do! I’m not pushing anyone away! I’m not! I just don’t want… no one will understand. You will all just go away…" Joe collapsed on his knees and cradled his head in his hands.

"I’m not the same anymore. Something’s gone and I can’t find it. I can’t find it..." Joe moaned and Frank inched over to Joe slowly on his knees and held his brother’s crying form, hugging him fiercely.

He let Joe cry for the longest time since the night when Joe called him on the phone, seeking comfort in the knowledge that he was not the only one awake in the dead of night. He let Joe cry without judgment and without question. He let Joe cry all he wanted, just like the time when they were children and Joe, childlike and finding love for everything, cried a whole river when a stray dog got run over by a car that just sped away without any decrease in speed.

"You are going to be all right. You see, you told me and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this. We will." Frank promised softly.

And then Joe clawed his shirt’s material desperately, as if he was clinging on to Frank to prevent himself from sinking into the quicksand of despair. Whatever its was, Frank was thankful that Joe did not pull away this time.

Maybe Joe finally believes in me again.