He watched Mina from a corner as she glanced at herself several times in the reflective glass panes of the seafood restaurant, called "Ship". Joe had arranged to meet him there. Frank was a little surprised to see Mina. Maybe Joe had invited her along, however, he was visited by a nagging feeling; something Joe would call ‘gut feelings’.

I’m already twenty-minutes late and there’s only her at the spot where my dear brother had planned for us to meet.

She seemed to have combed her silky black hair with even more care than usual. Now, it was perfectly straight- worthy of a shampoo commercial. A pale blue spaghetti blouse under a soft white cardigan, and a white flowing skirt completed the almost angelic picture. She was looking extremely lovely that evening- another observation that added strength and persistent to the niggling and not yet deciphered thought at the back of his mind.

And there she is, like she’s turning up for an important date.

Frank had come straight from the library after staying behind in campus to do some futile research for his thesis. Still dressed in that casual shirt that had become crumpled with the toils of the day, and a pair of faded jeans, in no particular shade of blue, which was torn at the knees- he felt a little inadequate.

His deduction was causing him a great deal of distress.

How do I tell her? Alright, I’ll go and determine if my guess is right.

I hope it isn’t. Maybe she’s waiting for someone else.

"Hey! Meeting someone?" Frank greeted Mina softly from behind after he sauntered up to her finally. He caught a brief waft of the scent that she was wearing and was immediately reminded of Callie. No, he did not need to be reminded of Callie. He thought of her constantly, only that the perfume- a floral fragrance almost similar to the one that Callie wore- brought the aching memories to the forefront of his mind again.

She turned and gasped a little. Those deep grey eyes grew rounder as she cocked her head to one side before a slight frown graced her mien. Tucking a lock of silky strands behind her ears, she shrugged and managed a polite smile.

"I’m waiting for Joe… and you?"

But it is. There’re only two tickets. Arghhhhh… my stupid kid brother. Even Maggie will not be so bold.

"Joe as well." He shoved his hands into his pocket and smiled uneasily. Her eyelids fluttered as her polite countenance melted away. Maybe she had no intention to put on such a candid expression; but her hooded eyes and compressed lips in response to his answer told him everything.

I’m sorry. There’s only me.

"Well, he’s late isn’t he?" Mina regained her poise and glanced at her watch, pretending to perhaps know Frank was coming along. Frank decided to just seal his deductions in as facts.

"I’ll message him." Frank offered, messaging Joe at the same time. A short while later, his mobile beeped and as he read the message, his lips twisted.

"Is something wrong?" Mina tiptoed and tried to peer into his mobile, her voice a tone higher and her speech a speed faster. Frank immediately clicked the message away before she could read it. He felt like he was a piece of bad news waiting to happen as he returned his mobile back into his pocket.

She took his hand and gazed worriedly into his eyes. He wanted to just strangle his brother for lifting up her hopes and then crushing them. She probably thought that he was going to tell her that they would have to go to the hospital immediately or another scenario akin to that. Breaking into a bashful smile- feeling his cheeks flushed crimson- he patted hand on his- a hand which had become so cold; chilled by sudden fear.

"Looks like you’re stuck with me…ermm…he can’t meet us…got a test- or something like that- which he had just remembered. You know…he’s always leaving his mind behind until the last possible moment."

He noticed that she was breathing again as she let got of his hand.

"And the tickets? They’re with him…"

He looked away and gestured to ‘Ship’. "Don’t worry. I have them. So, how about dinner?"

"Hey Frank! Why don’t you tutor her?"

Of course. Stupid, stupid little brother.

***

He observed Mina picking at her food from the top of his eyes, cursing Joe inwardly for the hare-brained scheme. Only his kid brother could still carry out such plans in the midst of a depression. It was not that he was trying to belittle Joe’s torment but to put poor Mina in a spot was unfair. Besides, because of Mina’s reticent and extreme civility, Frank had a feeling that she had construed what Joe had planned despite Frank’s lame lie.

SMS: Hey Joe! Why aren’t you here?

SMS: Oh, enjoy yourself! I’ll be at home. There’s only two tickets Frankie boy… ;) get what I mean?

"You don’t like the salmon, huh?" He indicated to her half-eaten morsel and threw her as warm a smile as he could. She looked up, almost in a daze or something like a daze since the restaurant’s poor lighting was definitely not helpful for gauging someone’s appearance. Frank knew why guys liked to bring girls to Ship for the first date. The Ship had a pretty conducive environment for budding romances with its dim lighting. A candle graced each table with a small flame- manifesting the promise of something more passionate.

Also, owing to the lack of light, the girls would not be able to see the nefarious thoughts going on behind their dates’ eyes- should there be any. Plus, the place was a godsend for messy eaters dying to make a pleasant impression. The salad dressing at the corner of the lips would not be too glaringly conspicuous in the faintest of light.

"Oh…" She stared at her plate like she was only recognizing its existence then. "Oh… no… I… forget it. Frank, we don’t have to go for the movie if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Does it make you uncomfortable?"

She placed her fork gently on the plate and looked at him squarely with a tight smile- her countenance was one of somebody who was clearly disenchanted.

"I’m not going to forgive him for this- not right away." She informed Frank. "I don’t care how far you’re going to keep protecting him but this… this is too much. I don’t need to be…it’s a blind date isn’t it? It’s so painfully obvious."

The dressing up. The make-up when she hardly wore any.

She’s in love with Joe; she has to be. Someone like her will not bother about appearances unless she feels the person she is with to be extremely important to her.

Poor Mina. My brother’s a little off-beat right now to see.

Frank cleared his throat and glanced at a piece of serviette as he spoke- a little self-conscious by what he had just inferred. "He can’t help it. It’s his philosophy that the best way to get over a heartbreak is to date again…of course Iola and Vanessa kept him from practicing the philosophy but he never stopped trying to impose it on his friends and now, me. And I apologize on his behalf."

"Don’t apologize for a mistake you did not commit." Mina firmly and yet, gently chided him. There was a moment’s pause as she looked down at her food, picked up her fork and started to poke at the tortured slice of salmon with it. However, she was not poking at it with annoyance or frustration.

She was contemplative; distracted.

Suddenly she looked up and Frank averted his eyes immediately. He had not meant to survey her every action. It was just that in those few moments, Mina had silently conveyed to him much of her feelings- feelings which he was curious about. In a softer tone, she asked with an expression which was one of severe concern, "And who’s this Iola?"

Oh… you don’t know…

Frank licked his lips, discovering that they had gone a little dry before he replied. "Joe’s first girlfriend. She died in a car bombing incident…our car was totaled and there was nothing left of her to bury." He explained, stirring his tall glass of ice lemon tea with the bended straw absentmindedly.

The remembrance of the incident many years back still pinched his conscience and wrung his heart. Though the Mortons had not held it against the Hardys, Frank could not deny that it was not only Joe who suffered from all the guilt trips. He too often felt like he had escaped the tragic end meant for him. Another sacrificial lamb was taken in the cruel exchange market of Fate.

Mina gasped softly- a palm over her trembling lips. After the information sank in, she began to fiddle around with her fish yet again.

"I didn’t know…and Vanessa…"

You don’t know half the story. If you love Joe, can you accept him? If he tells you everything, will you take him into your arms and kiss away his tears or will you run?

It’s going to take an extraordinary girl to love him. I really hope you’re the one. Really.

"You like him, don’t you?" Frank asked her pointblank. Mina blushed but quickly regained her composure.

"Do you still keep Callie’s picture in your wallet? Just a guess."

How the hell does she know?

He smiled uneasily and scratched the bridge of his nose with a finger. "Yah… hey, why not we forget about this blind date and just enjoy ourselves as friends? You deserve a break, so do I. Let this dinner be my way of thanking you for taking care of Joe these past few days." He tried to dispel the tension and was gratified that Mina liked the alternative that he was offering her. She visibly relaxed and even smiled warmly at him.

"That’s a good thought. I am dying to catch Minority Report as well. Phillip Dick is a real visionary."

Hey! My exact words! This girl gets my stamp of approval. Ok, you can date Joe. Maybe bring some intellect into his life.

The topic of the movie led on to many others and Frank shared a few moments of laughter with Mina. She was a fantastic girl and he wished with all his heart that she could the blessing that was finally materializing in his brother’s life. A life which had taken such a demented turn- just when everything had seemed so promising.

But the sad ache remained- the dull throb in his spiritual being that pounded his chest. He wished it was Callie who was in front of him then. Wished that it was the honey-blond hair that was bouncing, accompanying the laughter. Wished that it was the light brown eyes that were flashing with mirth.

Wished that it was just three weeks ago, when she was still his, when he could still call her at the end of every night just so the sweetest ambrosia that was her voice could bless him with beautiful dreams.

***

He entered the house and saw Joe watching television with a plate of uneaten cold cuts in front of him and a glass of water. Joe jerked his head towards Frank the moment he stepped in with a brow raised in silent question.

It was a little late because there was a heavy traffic while he was sending Mina home. Bayport was a town in puberty, spurting up too fast and yet, unable to make changes to accommodate much of the transformations within- changes like wider roads. Throwing his car keys on the coffee table, he slumped down on the sofa next to Joe.

"Thanks a lot brother." Frank responded. He had no idea if he was being sarcastic or really grateful. Mina was a good friend to hang out with, plus on the way back, they had a most fulfilling discussion on the idea of a Big Brother, bringing in Orwell’s 1984 in relation to Dick’s precogs.

But Mina was not Callie. Joe would be really stupid to think that any girl could replace Callie in his heart- even if it was only for a second.

Yet, he knew that Joe was just trying to help him get over the heartbreak. Though the method was wrong, the intention was pure. For that, Frank was thankful. For that, Frank had hope in Joe’s recovery.

Caring for others. That’s a big step.

"It went well? She’s a great girl, right?" Joe drawled and Frank had a harassing feeling that something was wrong but no idea what it was. Now that he was next to Joe, he thought Joe’s breath smelled a little funny, albeit minty. It was almost like the mint was used to mask an earlier breath.

But he was too tired to think about it. He glanced at the television screen and winced at the choice of channel. Joe was watching some horrible action-flick by Van Damme. Frank refused to even know the title of the flopped movie.

"Yes. B…" Frank paused. It was too strange. Joe was not excited or bursting with curiosity about the details of a blind date which he brilliantly organized.

Are Mina and Joe bound to become star-crossed lovers?

Due to an afterthought, Frank amended what he originally intended to say- hoping to snare Joe. He spoke the words carelessly as he pretended to enjoy the flick. The clashing racket of a fight, projected out by the speakers, was awfully jarring to his ears. More than anything, because of his highly-strung nerves over his thesis, Frank appreciated quietness.

Appreciated quietness because it was only with it that he could think of Callie without any disruptions. In the presence of complete silence, he could begin to dissect every single word they had exchanged to try to find that one breaking point which he already knew.

Which he already discerned to be the spark that started the fire but could not understand why she failed to empathize with.

"I’m really glad…she took my mind off Callie for a while… you know… she may just well make a fantastic girlfriend."

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Joe flinched as his lips were pulled into a tight straight line.

"Yah…when the wedding bells ring… inform me." Joe spoke in weird staccatos. Frank shook his head at his unpredictable brother. If Joe had planned for the blind date, then he should be ecstatic at the supposed "budding romance" that Frank had falsely hinted at.

Very subtle, kiddo. Your disappointment’s all over your face.

And Mint. The weird mint on your breath…don’t offer it to me.

"I’m lying, Joe. It was very awkward initially. But we decided to just hang out as friends and that made it better. I’m not going to get over Callie just like that. And neither is she going to …" Frank stopped himself. It was not his place to speak of Mina’s affections for Joe. That was for the two of them to discover somehow. If Mina ever needed someone to nudge Joe, Frank would volunteer in a second. Nonetheless, he felt that Mina would most probably wish to confess her feelings for Joe herself.

Joe shot Frank a belligerent look that told him to shut up before he stared at the television once again. But Frank was not going to give up. Vanessa’s passing was about a year ago. If Joe had feelings for Mina, Joe could give it a try. Joe should give it a try. He could not speak of his analysis of Mina’s affections. But he could prod his brother. However before he could speak, his brows furrowed at a sudden mental disturbance in his enthusiasm to turn Joe’s life around.

Should I encourage him? Or should I hint to Mina of his ordeal first? I know he will not be able to take it if Mina rejects him after learning of the other agony.

Or is he intending to hide it from everyone forever?

He took too long- lost in his worry. Joe beat him to articulated thoughts.

"Shut up, Frank. I know that look. You’ve got something to say but it ain’t gonna happen alright? I don’t like her- not in that way. It’s this damn movie, making me sound pissed when I’m not." Joe warned Frank before playing around with the channels; not finding any that he could take a liking to.

"That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea how badly it stunk." Joe muttered and in a lower voice, turning falsettos at some words, he continued, "Mom and dad are coming back tomorrow. They sounded so happy that this wonderful psychiatrist is coming over to talk to me. All the way from New Orleans. How delightful."

"Joe…don’t be like that. It doesn’t hurt to try." Frank put an arm around Joe who was becoming very testy. Joe shrugged the touch away and glared at Frank.

"Psychiatrists suck! They earn big bucks and just hope you’re another success case once they’re done shoving pills down your throat! What do they know about…" Joe snarled before he emitted a frustrated sigh. Abruptly he stood up- heading for the stairs.

The breath. Of course! My mind’s especially slow today.

A realization hit Frank- like a wall in front of him had suddenly crumbled and he could see clearly the betrayal on the other side before a brick came crashing on the top of his skull. He was not really in the best of moods to begin with. Joe’s breach of trust gnawed at him; peeved him.

He clenched his fists before standing up and hurrying after his brother. Catching Joe before his brother could storm up the stairs to his bedroom, he grabbed Joe’s hands. Words came out harshly, accompanied by a treacherous glare.

"Have you been drinking, you brat?"

"NO! I’M JUST IN A BAD MOOD! I THINK I’M ENTITLED TO ONE OR TWO EVEN IF I’M HEALING!" Joe shouted into Frank’s face as he forcefully tried to shake away the vise grip. Frank tightened his hold and was pretty sure Joe would wake up to bruises where his fingers had pressed on. Yet, he could not care.

Actually, he did care. He cared so much that he was so angered by Joe’s lapse. Angry at Joe, angry at himself.

Angry at something outside the both of them.

"You promised, damn it!" Frank gave the struggling Joe a tight yank and dragged him into the kitchen. Joe, not in full control of his faculties, was outmatched by his brother. After some wrestling, Frank shoved Joe’s head under the kitchen’s tap. He turned it on full blast and Joe yelped as the cold wetness hit upon his head- matting down his flaxen hair.

"I’ll wash this drunk out of your damn system!"

"Stop! Stop it! Damn you! Go to hell! STOP!" Joe’s shouting sounded a little gurgled with all the water crashing down on his head.

Frank pulled Joe’s head back up by the hair, released the grip on Joe’s hand and raised a fist. Joe closed his eyes, and stood unmoving- defiant like a sturdy tree in anticipation of a rough wind. Frank let his fist down. He would never hit his brother. Not in million years.

Not ever.

He released his clutch on his brother’s hair as well. 

What happened? The essay? Test? Or the fact that he could not believe he had sent a girl he might love into his brother’s arms?

"I’m not going to steal Mina from you Joe, even if you did push her at me. Is that what you fear? That she’ll fall for someone else? Is this some sort of a sick test that you rigged for her?"

Joe exposed his eyes and Frank saw the hidden wetness. Almost immediately, Joe tilted his head back- most likely to contain the tears. Frank looked away, finding himself staring at the sink. The sound of fast running water hitting aluminum was deafening to his ears.

The only sound left in the cursed silence.

No, I did not handle this episode well. Is it always going to be like that? The hurtful words, the callous tone whenever Joe goes mental and I feel all helpless?

"Will you help find me?"

"Shut up, Frank. Just shut up!" Joe squeezed his eyes shut, spun around and stormed away in unfocused strides. The clashing water became Frank’s sole companion for a while- beating upon the metal sink, stimulating the sound of a heavy rain upon an empty street, beating against the metal covers of manholes.

Irritated by the raucous discordance that the running water was making, Frank reached out and intended to turn it off but stopped in mid-turn. The downward pour diminished from its full power into a clear and gentle stream, having been restricted by human mechanism. The melody it was making morphed into something comforting, soothing and almost cathartic.

He saw his reflection in the clear, steady downward stream against the shiny aluminum backdrop. A steady stream that showed him a fuddled image of himself- seemingly flowing down together with it in a perpetual repetition.

"I feel so lost…"

You’re not that easy to find, do you know that? Not when you’re pretending to be found.

I’m sorry. For what happened. I’m so sorry.