Frank drove back home from the cemetery behind Bayport Baptist Church all alone. The two brothers had actually returned home for a short time because Joe wanted to take his van to visit Vanessa’s grave and run some of his own errands. Frank followed in his Mustang. He had wanted to keep Joe company however Joe said he wanted to be alone with her. Frank paid his respects briefly, squeezed his brother’s shoulders and left, knowing and accepting Joe’s need for solitude.

He wondered how many times Joe visited Vanessa’s grave. He thought that Joe never visited Vanessa’s grave again after Andrea slapped him when the gang were all crowding around the soft, slightly swelled up plot that was not exactly completely covered by soft green grass and little yellow flowers yet. However, a brief chat in the canteen a few months back with Wayne- the only member in Joe’s band that he could carry on a conversation with without ending it with a dry, cynical remark- informed Frank that Joe was rather religious about going to see Vanessa. Normally, it was deep into the night when he actually dared to approach the tombstone, with what Frank could easily deduce, a face the picture of tormented shame and guilt.

When he stepped inside his house, he was surprised to see Callie on the couch, having a cordial chat with Maggie. He arrived just in time to see Maggie passing Callie something that looked like a ticket to her concert.

"You must come! Your opinion of me will all change greatly…" Maggie grinned cheekily at Callie and Callie managed a strained smile. Frank had no idea why. Maggie was terribly lovable but somehow, she and Callie just did not get along.

"I will… oh… there’s your brother…" Callie announced his presence and Maggie’s curly blond head shot up to greet him.

"Hullo! How was your outing with Joe? Did you all give the guy a taste of his own medicine? Where’s Joe?" Maggie’s rattling was giving Frank a slight headache but he smiled, for the outing was, in reality, very promising for the stressed relationship he had with Joe nowadays. Callie squeezed Maggie’s hand in complete friendliness then, even her smile was genuine.

"Maggie, I need to talk to your brother alone. Do you mind if you grill him later, after me?"

"Oh! Ok! Sorry, I kinda forgot what you’re here for… no problem! I’ll be in my room, practicing if anyone needs me!" Maggie winked at Frank a little too blatantly and Frank rolled his eyes. She giggled and hopped away, up the stairs to her room, happy to be with her violin soon.

They were alone. Callie and him. She had called him in the morning and that he knew from Maggie’s lips earlier. However, he did not return her call not because he had forgotten to but because he did not know what to say. The taste of betrayal was returning with biting bitterness on his tongue but his heart was screaming for him to just let it go and touch her and hold her.

And never let her go.

Callie stood up, hands in her pocket. She swung her upper body towards the backyard and he nodded. He followed behind her and they exited through the backdoor into the small plot of land where there was a swing suspended with pulleys and ropes from a thick branch of Old Maple and a square vegetable bed his mother was cultivating with her green thumb.

She sat on the swing and he leaned against the wide, broad trunk of Old Maple, gazing up at the evening sky that was mutely red with dusk light.

"Phil told me about the case. Vanessa’s case." She began and he raked his hair, knowing the same old accusations would come barraging down upon him again. The same old, "Why didn’t you call me? Why can’t you let me join in? Why are you hiding so much and not telling me anything?"

In a way, maybe it was better now that he had no girlfriend. He would have no one to answer to, no need to explain his actions and thoughts to somebody who would be so much a part of his life that it was scary how naked his soul was before her.

"I’m sorry for not telling you about the meeting. Just… I’m not too comfortable… seeing you yet." He confessed as he stared at the dead brown leaves on the ground, chucking his hands into his jeans’ pocket.

"I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m… I know we have our differences and I’m sorry that nice… I don’t what to call it- date? Outing? Meeting? Anyway, I’m sorry it turned out the way it did. But Ness was my friend and while I do understand that the other cases you took on and didn’t want me involved in was for my own safety, I can’t understand this! I mean, you roped in Tony, Chet and Phil and not me. Not me. Mina, too, you trusted but me? And Joe! If you’re trying to protect him, well, aren’t you dragging him along with you through the case which may drive him insane? Frank, I’m not asking for… for anything… just… just a chance to be rid of the horrible memories away, to help seek justice for her. And… even this, you don’t allow me to. Why? Because you feel uncomfortable? Have you spare a thought for how I feel?"

"Callie… I…" Frank protested weakly, now just staring at a random spot in the air. Shutting his eyes tightly, he thought of the many things he could say but censored himself. She need not hear them. They were his demons to carry alone.

"No! You didn’t! It’s not only your preoccupation with your brother’s well-being such that you lose yourself and drag me down with you. That I can understand- there’s this responsibility and I admit, I’m deeply jealous, but if you can’t care for your family who loves you so much, it’s hard to believe you’re Frank Hardy. There’s just so much secrecy that you enshroud yourself with sometimes… ever since you started in this damn investigative business in our teens! Five years with you and your sorry excuse was, ‘Can’t tell you, don’t want to see you get hurt.’ But let me make a decision myself for goodness sake! I may not be able to help much but I do want to share some of your damn burden! And you said you love me. You love me but you always hide things from me… and I’m left guessing left and right what you’re thinking now! I know what I say is difficult to hear but the truth is… the truth is…" Callie rambled on, writing off Frank’s plea for her to listen to him. Frank absorbed in what she said- absorbed in her anger and her frustration. He would temper the impact for the both of them.

"The truth is I still love you but you’re the one who will not give me another chance." He shut Callie up with his quiet admission. "Callie, I do wish… I do wish I could have done things differently but if I were to go back and choose the way I deal with my ‘crime-busting’ and my private life, believe me, I would not change anything. I don’t believe you do understand… you don’t. Iola was less involved than you in Joe’s passion and she was blown up! Vanessa, occasionally helping out but knowing where to keep that distance so Joe could return to a normal, safe haven after a case, died! I see them and in a way, I see us. He can’t hold them anymore, or rather, he’s holding on to their ghosts and I see myself, probably having to hold on to some ghosts in the future because of some stupid mistake or because I put those I love in danger with my own passion! I love you so much I can’t place you… place you in this… this… Callie. Callie, it’s not glory that I’m doing this for. It’s not just some hit the bad guys and cuff them out kind of cop show. One day, the bullet may not miss. One day, the kick to my head could be too hard. One day, they’ll know who to target, and that’s you and I can’t allow that to happen. One day, I’ll run out of luck! I’m doing all I can so I’ll never… never have to… to… to end up the way he did, holding on to ghosts, chasing after apparitions, his young mind marked by devastating loss that he feels so responsible for. I can’t… Callie. And now you have a child with you. Two lives, two lives I hold dear, so very dear. Tell me, tell me to put you in the front line with me. Tony, Chet and Phil can take care of themselves; they know not to be too involved, to not take on more than they can chew and to remain always in the background. But you, you Callie… for all your good points, you do just rush into things…" Frank rubbed his temples and sighed, knowing he had said too much. But there was no stopping once emotions and crude mental thoughts found words to escape.

"Do you know why I picked law, Callie? And not Criminology? I don’t know either…" He shrugged, feeling his own eyes well up with wet sadness. "But I think it has to do with something about striking a compromise between my passion and my family. I don’t want my kids to one day wake up and ‘Daddy’s not here anymore.’ I don’t want my wife to turn around in bed and not be able to hold me, to put her arms around me. I don’t want to go back home only to see policemen cordoning my house because something happened. I’m twenty-one but I feel so damn old. So damn bloody old." Frank’s heart wrestled again with the old indecision, the same old apprehension. He knew how his father felt- he understood why Fenton was always angry whenever he and Joe went running off after some crime lord without telling him. And the yearning to marry Callie, to take care of the baby multiplied the fear by a thousand. Despite what he had just spoken, he knew one day, he would be a private investigator at the very least- ditching his law degree for something more gritty and heartbreaking. He was also half-expecting a call from the Network after graduation and if it actually materialized, when responsibility called, he knew his answer would most probably be yes rather than no.

If all this protection for you is an affront instead, I’m sorry but you don’t really understand me after all.

So he was taking steps to try to break away, to make sure he would be a normal parent and a loving husband- a good man who would come home in the evening, kiss his wife and hug his children. He wanted that simple future so badly and at the same time, he wanted to adhere to his calling.

He took in a deep breath, closed his eyes again and heard the creaking metallic sound of the rusted pulley, the shuffling of feet against crunchy leaves. He felt her warmth embracing him and the fear was bearable for a while. He opened his eyes and there Callie was, gazing into his soul’s windows with understanding.

She only wanted to hold me, to share my burdens, to just be there but she can’t stand to see me drag myself into whatever hellish waters I feel I must wade in.

I only wanted only to protect her, to keep her safe, to make sure she’s all right.

We both only wanted to love each other. That should not be so difficult, right? Since we already love each other.

And the kiss happened. The deep, fiery kiss that ignited him as he crushed his lips upon hers, wanting so much to just consume her, to make her forever a part of him. However, he feared if he held her too tightly, she might miscarry but she pulled him closer, not too tight, just the right pressure to allow him to melt away some of his fears into her, to share them with her because her assurance would only make things better.

It seemed like an eternity had passed when they broke the kiss. Her eyes were dreamy and his were tearing. There was still so much to say but all he hoped for was that she understood, that she knew what to do because he did not. He did not have a clue.

"Do you want to go to your room?" She asked, a little huskily but with a slight hesitation which he caught. He knew why she was doing that and though, he was tempted, he knew it was also wrong. A moment of weakness on his part would only lead to so many regrets in the future. He loved her- he would treasure her.

"Oh, yes. Don’t you feel the injustice? I’ve been with you for four years and nothing happened between us. I’ve been with him for only a few months and now, I’m having his baby."

And he would protect her.

"No, Cal…it’s not right. I love you too much and I’m sparing a thought for your future and us. Don’t… don’t tempt me again, for though my will is strong to resist this pitfall, my flesh is weak." He kidded with her but meant every word he said.

She batted her eyelids, blinking away some tears and nodded before she pulled him close to her again.

"Frank Hardy, don’t ever keep your silly fears from me again, all right?"

"I’m only a frightened man, looking for another chance. Do I get another chance?" He whispered in her honeycombed hair, both the shade and the sweetness, knowing how fragile the situation was.

"Will you forgive me? Can you really take me back?" She answered him with more questions and he bent down to kiss the tears away from the wide, brown eyes that were now too filled with saline insecurity and fear.

"Yes, yes and more. Forgive me, too. I love you."

"I love you, too." She whispered back- like the words were so precious if she said them any louder, they would fly away with the wind and he would not catch them.

He caught them and emblazoned them onto his heart. Love would spin more love all around anyone. It was true. His heart was bursting with so much love already.

***