Present

"Wait, her cat-pin? You noticed her cat-pin was gone?" Jacob Kenzer who had been silent all the time the two brothers were talking interrupted Frank’s account when his question, thoughtful and sharp, aimed right for Joe. Frank had taken over for Joe at some point when his dear brother suddenly lapsed into a spell of silence. Looking up at the clock, Frank saw that an hour had already passed. He had told Kenzer about things only pertaining to their investigation but during the course of it, the harrowing experiences and images; the private battles and struggles resurfaced back into his mind and twisted his chest relentlessly.

Joe was just dumbly staring at the floor as he nodded.

"But why would a killer risk discovery by keeping something so personal to the victim?" Kenzer asked, more questioning himself verbally than throwing it back at them. Frank had a feeling Kenzer was one of those investigators who used a tape-recorder to talk to himself and sort out his own thoughts. He was reminded then of Elijah Raily, the FBI agent he was forced to work with to catch Jeremy Bret last year. Memories of the experience caused him to cringe. That man, a year or two older than Frank, used the tape recorder only when he was observing a dead body and Frank had a feeling it was to mask something. Maybe he was using the tape-recorder as a camouflage when he was actually talking to the corpses.

And Elijah Raily had the most uncanny ability to spit frost even when he was not talking, which was most of the time.

"Maybe she lost it." Frank remarked dryly, still unable to force any sense of liking for Jacob Kenzer. The familiarity about his face was gnawing at Frank’s mind. He had not seen Jacob before, he was sure of that.

Personal. How would he know the cat-pin is personal to Vanessa?

Vanessa.

"No… she couldn’t have…" Jacob replied softly, with a heaviness that oddly did not surprise Frank. It was then Frank ascertained his suspicions as facts but still had the politeness not to pry.

"She wore it that night. I had seen her with it." Joe informed them insistently, in a tone quieter than Jacob’s. "She wore it."

"You sure, sonny?" Jacob pressed on, his eyes intensely staring at Joe and Joe, feeling the detective’s perforating interest in him, retreated back further into the couch. Frank immediately erected a defensive wall to protect Joe, trying to shift Jacob’s attention, which was clearly unsettling his brother, back to him.

"I thought of the same thing as you did. And…" Frank began again and relaxed when Jacob turn away from Joe to listen to whatever Frank had to say. 

***

Why would Ness’s cat pin be missing? A keepsake? Remembrance?

"Frank, I’m in…" Phil’s announcement streamed into Frank’s ears and he shelved up his thoughts for future reference. The cat pin struck him as exceptionally important. He remembered it vaguely- it was like a brooch in the shape of a Persian cat with sapphires for its eyes. Obviously, its value must be rather dear but not dear enough to be stolen and Frank knew it was not a case of robbery or anything. Vanessa would have screamed.

But why didn’t she scream when she fell from the tree house? Shocked? What? Joe did not hear any screams and he could not have been too far away. Why would she be shocked?

Of course she would be shocked, dummy. Someone probably appeared out of nowhere and pushed her…

Maybe that someone was quiet. Climbed up the tree house without her noticing. So she must have been looking up at the stars or something, facing away from the tree.

It was Saturday and both Phil and Frank did not have any classes on Saturdays. As soon as Andrea went off to work, Mina called Frank and Phil to come over. Frank remembered his initial impression of Vanessa’s room. It was a shrine, a walk-in altar to the memory of Vanessa. Andrea loved her daughter tremendously and Vanessa’s death had made Andrea bitter and depressed as well. But he was heartened to know that Andrea was moving on with her life and probably Mina’s presence would help to untie the knots that were hindering the string of happiness which wanted to pass through the needlepoint so it could sew up the wounds in Andrea’s soul.

Frank slot the zip disk into the disk drive and Phil clicked hurriedly on the mouse to save the journal into the disk.

"Don’t be nervous. She won’t be back so soon."

"No, Frank. It’s this place… I don’t know. The preservation of her room… it unnerved me." Phil hissed as his eyes darted across the room to the door.

"Vanessa was like a sister to me. We did plenty of good artwork on the Mac…I do miss her."

Frank eyed Phil curiously, reminded of the fact that he did suspect Phil for a second when he was just starting on the case, seemingly alone. "Why should it?"

"Because it shows Andrea has not gotten over Ness’s death. And if Andrea suddenly comes back from work or something… she’ll kill us for messing it up."

"We’re only looking into the computer. If worse comes to worst, we’ll tell her the truth. Now, let’s look at the journal." Frank scanned through the journal, taking over the mouse from Phil. "And we’ll have to look into her digital photo albums as well. I saw some collections on those when we were exploring her files. I think we did think of that possibility before."

"Yes. That Jeremy Bret might have an accomplice. But it’s not… I don’t know..." Phil scratched his head. "I’m only good with this metal box… I’ll leave the thinking to you. You want to sit down?" Phil offered, standing up from the swivel chair. Frank smiled gratefully and sat down, reading though pages of Vanessa’s private thoughts, hopes and aspirations, very guilty at prying into her mind, intruding in that digital spot where she could be completely honest with herself. Though she was gone, something about her must have remained for she was in their hearts constantly and in that way, she lived on. In that way, Frank had to mouth a silent apology.

There was too much data. To find Vanessa’s past enemies, he had to start from when she was thirteen or fourteen.

"Are you going to let Joe read it?"

"I don’t want to hide… I don’t know." Frank shrugged helplessly, keying some search words on the "Find" function. Words and phrases like "angry", "hate", "bitch", "don’t like", brought up nothing but as Mina said, petty incidences that would not end up in murder. And besides, those incidences were so few which only indicated Vanessa’s niceness.

I tried to kill myself again. Ben told me my dad’s suicide was not my fault and I believed… or rather, I want to believe. We’re so close… I miss him so much. The truth must have hurt him… as much as it hurt me. How could Mom do such a thing? Why marry when there’s no love? Why lead him on?

Why must he make that choice?

Was at the hospital, I hurt all over. They pumped my stomach to rid it of…

Frank pulled his eyes away from the fourteen-year old Vanessa, resurrected by her typed out words, given life when someone read her from the computer screen. Fourteen-year old Vanessa. Almost another teenage suicide. Society’s failure to empathize? Parents’ failure to educate?

Or simply too much teenage angst? The plunge into depression after seeing someone so close making the decision to end his life in anguish and hopelessness?

And my brother? He hasn’t fully turned twenty and he’s almost one as well. Why is there so much load in our hearts that we insist on bearing alone and not let anyone help? Fourteen year old Vanessa had Benjamin Garnet to help her see things differently. Joe?

Joe doesn’t want anybody. Joe doesn’t even want me around sometimes.

"I’ll read this at home." Frank decided that he could not deal with snooping into the secret part of Vanessa with someone around. Vanessa’s story needed to be told to him, so he could perhaps find a lead. But he would respect it and not indifferently splay it out for everyone else to examine what was not theirs to know.

Unless some of the knowledge could help others heal. And he was sure she would not mind that.

And somehow, Frank was thinking about what to do with his journal after he died. Maybe he would order it cremated with him. If it ever leaked out, everyone would be so appalled by his handwriting before anything else could aghast them.

He downloaded her digital photo library into his zip disk as well.

"I think Andrea’s coming back… she told me to look for a file on her work table and I can’t find it. She’s coming back to look for it herself. You guys better go. Are you done?"

Frank jumped upon hearing Mina’s voice. She had gone into the kitchen to fix them something to eat but it looked like he was not going to sample her culinary skills that day. He retrieved the zip disk right after the drive spewed it out. "Yes. Thanks Mina. You’ve been great."

Mina simply gazed into his eyes, her look intense and stern. "It’s not a suicide as you put it. Find the killer, Frank. Promise me."

Frank went over and hugged her, feeling her tears silently marking his t-shirt, wishing, for her sake, he was Joe. Phil stood behind Mina and squeezed her shoulders in quiet comfort.

"I will, Mina. Thanks. Like I said, you’ve been great." Frank whispered into her silky hair and held her tighter as her hands clawed the thin material covering him.

***

"Joe, we’re going to the police station." Frank pounded on Joe’s room door after his previous polite knockings received no response. But he knew Joe was inside. Joe’s black van was still in the driveway and his shoes were still in the shoe rack. He had just returned from the Bender’s house and was a little too tired to get into another fight with his brother. Each fight would bring about some remorse on Joe’s or his part and the tedious cycle would just revolve all again.

"Frank, stop making a racket… I’m still sleeping…" Frank heard Maggie grumbling behind him and spun ninety degrees, seeing his sister stick her head out of the entrance to her room, looking like one sleepy, grouchy angel. She had returned home late last night from her violin practice on campus, opened her door and stuck her head out, her eyes on the brink of closing again. She was so adorable in her Pooh’s bear pajamas and disheveled curly golden hair. When Frank went out, the whole family was still asleep and when he returned, only Maggie and Joe were at home. Fenton and Laura had apparently gone out with Emily again.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I was just trying to…" Frank replied as he rapped a few more times edgily on Joe’s door when it suddenly opened and his last knock hit the bony spot between Joe’s eyes squarely.

"Hey, watch it. Grow some eyes on the side of your head, will you?" Joe grouched and Frank jerked his attention back to his brother with an apologetic look.

"Sorry. We’re going to the police station to report the fight. Get changed." Frank eyed Joe’s crumpled t-shirt and loose long pajamas pants. Joe used to sleep only in shorts, unless it was winter. It was not too cold last night but Frank thought he could understand his brother’s need for protection, even if it was only cloth.

"There’s no need to report the fight. I know who did it… ok? I’ll handle it…"

"What fight?" Maggie chimed in, wide awake after hearing the interesting news. She left her room and strode up beside Frank. "You got into a fight? Oh… yes… you did… are you still in pain?" She was about to lay a hand on Joe’s but caught herself in time to touch his forearm instead. Joe rolled his eyes.

"Nope. I simply commissioned Picasso to paint me. Of course I’m in pain. I’m always in pain. And I’m not going to the police station." Joe was about to shut the door in their faces when Frank pressed his hand against the door and pushed it fully open again.

"Then I’ll come along with you and see how you handle it." Frank commanded severely. Maggie nodded vigorously, her tangled curls bouncing all over her head as she did.

"Joe, this time, I’m not on your side. You can’t let someone just hurt you."

"I hurt them first, ok? It’s not going to happen again. We’re all quits."

Frank found himself losing patience again but thought of two nights ago when Joe called him, pleading for help and companionship. Morning. It must be because it was morning. Joe was not a morning person.

But it was already close to noon time.

"Who are they?" Frank asked; his monotone only depicted his lack of tolerance for Joe’s nonsense.

"Aw… just…some jocks…"

"Who?"

"Don’t know." Joe stated insolently and threw Frank a defiant look. The two brothers were locked in a standstill and Maggie sighed and threw her hands up in the air.

"I’m going back to sleep. Oh… Callie called you. Mom woke me up earlier to get me to pass you the message. Mom also asked me why Callie’s not coming over as often as she did and I said you two broke up."

"What?" Frank gave Maggie an incredulous stare. "You told mom that?"

"She suspected it. Mom and I don’t keep secrets from one another." Now, the defiant look Xeroxed onto Maggie’s face. Frank glared at Maggie than at Joe, seeing them not as the adults they almost were but as the two most difficult toddlers to care for.

"I didn’t tell her you were planning to go to Berklee! Maggie!" Frank growled and Maggie cringed, biting her lower lip. Her hands were clasped behind her back as she peered at Frank, with some fear, from under a lock of fringe that had fallen over her eyes.

"Maggie, it’s Frank’s business, ok? If he wants to tell Mom he and Callie are over, then he will tell her himself. If he wants to tell mom he wants to be the father of Callie’s baby, it’s his choice too…"

"JOE!"

"Pregnant? Father? Frank… are you planning to elope?" Maggie’s guilty face washed away to reveal the inquisitive imp beneath. Joe covered his mouth with his palm but somehow, Frank had a feeling Joe was not sorry because his blue eyes were dancing with triumph.

"NO! NO! NO! Freaks! I’m living with two freaks!" He hollered and stormed away into his own room, slamming the door shut, tempted all the way to just pull his hair out. He sagged against the back of his door and closed his eyes, breathing in and out deeply; breathing in the comfort and safety his room gave him and expelling the intoxicating fumes of anger. The blood that had rushed to his head slowly retreated and when Frank thought he was mollified enough by himself, his eyes cracked open.

Blue eyes, dancing with triumph.

"Where’re you going, Joe? You are too… undressed…" Maggie’s high-pitched voice pierced through the door to reach Frank’s ears.

Oh no, you don’t.

Speedily, he threw his door open just in time to spot Joe trying to hobble down the stairs. For once, he was thankful for Joe’s bruises. When it came to alacrity of the legs, Joe beat Frank down flat. But now, at a disadvantage, Frank easily overtook Joe and halted him from leaving at the stairs landing. He saw Joe threw a longing glance at the next flight of stairs down and a few more steps to escapism.

"Frank..." Joe implored under his breath. "Just let it rest."

"I will." Frank replied and watched Joe’s mien visibly relax. "After we go to the police."

Joe glowered at him for a moment and the two brothers were trapped yet again in a silent spar with their stares. The tug of war continued, insolence and persistent will pulling at opposite end, threatening to snap the rope and let both fall. However, Joe blinked first and his shoulders slouched in submission. "No police. Not yet. We’ll go to them straight, all right? I don’t want to go… go make statements… and stuff…"

Frank thought he could take a step backwards then. Joe had given in somewhat and Frank could as well. They did not hurt Joe too badly, though they could have.

Though they could have. Joe’s lucky.

"Let’s go then." Frank turned and was about to walk down the stairs when Joe called out after him.

"Can’t you at least give me a minute to look decent?"

Frank spun around and saw Joe giving him a grudging smile before he broke into one of his own. "A minute, bro. I’m timing you."

"As long as you give me a ten years head-start for me to crawl up the stairs first."

Frank laughed and walked up to help his brother and saw Maggie, who was all the while watching them with tensed anticipation from above, grinning happily again.

"I’m sorry, big bro." Joe mumbled, wrinkling his nose as he stared at his feet. "I guess I’m just pissed you didn’t go to Ness’s house with me. You didn’t tell me a lot of things as well… I heard it all only yesterday. Your deductions, postulations... I used to be the first to know everything that ‘diarrheaed’ from your brains."

Frank let out a soft chuckle, relieved somewhat by Joe’s admission. It took a huge chunk of the barrier away from the both of them and drew them closer to what they were before. "Hey… look into my eyes…" Frank ordered Joe with much tenderness, feeling like he could finally be the big brother he should again, like he was finally allowed to give love and comfort. Joe looked up into Frank’s eyes and his sapphire orbs sparkled for a moment with something sane instead of lunacy.

"I promise you I’ll never keep you in the dark again about the things you should know…we’re partners… . And not only that, we’re brothers most of all." Frank gave Joe a brief hug and a niggling sensation ate the back of his mind. He withdrew from the brotherly embrace, gazed up and saw Maggie looking a little forlorn and left-out- her hands behind her back as she twisted her lips left and right in perfect synchronism with her swaying body.

"Silly girl… come here! And the both of you promise not to hide anything from me either. All right?" He waved Maggie over and saw Joe extending out his hands gawkily to their sister.

Maggie perked up immediately and scampered down the stairs to join her brothers. "Group hug!!!" She shrieked merrily and Frank laughed again, holding his dear siblings close to his body, drawing them back into his heart and sphere of protection again.

"Joe, Maggie… what if one day I become a rocket scientist and have to accompany the astronauts to go up, up and away for a few years?" Frank asked as the three of them sat down in the sandbox. Maggie pouted and was about to cry while Joe gave him a look of astonishment.

"No! You can’t leave us alone…" Joe stood up and stamped his feet, sending sand flying all over them. "You can’t!"

Frank’s heart fell, he was only ten but he was very sure he was going to Mars one day, maybe even beyond the Milky Way in search of new, hidden planets. Joe liked stars but he liked planets. Maggie liked everything.

"But… but it’s my dream…" Frank protested, feeling shamefully selfish for a moment after. Joe hung his head low and Frank knew Joe was old enough to understand. He was nine, wasn’t he? He should have oodles of dreams by then and some must not have included Frank or Maggie.

Maggie wailed then and clung onto Frank’s hand. "I wanna Frankie here… Frankie can’t go… go up, up and away…"

"I’ll be in your hearts…" Frank extricated his hand and put it around Maggie who was crying like it was the end of the world. "And you’ll be in mine. We’re only a heartbeat away."

Joe sat down then and stuck his tongue out at Frank, finally understanding. Maggie was still too young and so Frank did not begrudge her. He smiled, a little proud of himself. Not only did he used a new word in his thoughts- "begrudge,"- he thought what he had said was pretty poetic as well.

"Crappppppyyyyyyyy…," Joe teased his brother and clapped Maggie on the back. "We understand, don’t we? You can go to your planet, Frank. Maggie and I will be in the stars hovering around your planet. And we’ll watch over you, see no aliens come and invade you."

And so I’ll watch over you two as well.

"And I promise, Frank. I won’t tell Mom you and Callie are going to elope and you’re going to be a daddy until it’s too late." Maggie gazed into Frank’s eyes with all mocking seriousness and Frank ruffled her hair as he felt Joe quiver with suppressed laughter beside him.

"Am not…." He replied, remembering the sensation of bliss he had when his arms were around Callie’s waist again. Her face lingered before his mind’s eyes and he smiled, not for anyone but for himself. "At least not the eloping part."