PRESENT: THE SETTING OF THE STAGE I

 

"Hello…" Mina tapped her new friend on the shoulder, having spotted her waiting outside a lecture hall which still had the sign (In Use) lit up above the door. She had passed by the secluded section of the Faculty on her way to Joe’s hostel block to pay Joe a surprise visit.

And something as well.

Maggie turned around and gave her a big, bright smile.

She’s so lucky to not have that shadow lurking behind her, the shadow that seemed to be stalking Frank and, clearly, had already embraced Joe.

"Mina!" Maggie immediately held Mina’s hand in happiness at seeing someone she knew. "I’m so glad to see you!"

Mina had to suppress an amused smile. Though she and Maggie were of the same age, Maggie was more like a child while Mina felt like she had grown up much too quickly, forced by circumstances she could not control. Her faith had kept her strong, however, nowadays, she felt so distanced from the Almighty who had once personally spoke to her- right to her heart- and made her felt loved and special.

"What’re you doing here? I thought the Music and Arts Faculty was all the way at the other end of campus?" Mina asked Maggie who gave her a secretive look.

"Shh….I’m meeting someone. It’s a secret....hmm…oh…I need to tell someone…" Maggie looked like she was about to explode if she could not unleash whatever classified information that she was trying to withhold. Mina felt Maggie’s grip increase in pressure and she waited, giving Maggie a curious look.

It would be only a matter of time.

"Aww…don’t look at me like that…hmm…oh alright! I think I’m dating a guy…" Maggie whispered the last three words in excitement to Mina even though there was no one around them at all.

Clandestine operations. Hmm…interesting…

It was perfectly normal to be dating for someone of Maggie’s age yet, while she was exuberant, she also seemed a little scared. Mina led Maggie to a bench nearby, having sensed that fear.

"You’ve never been in relationship before right?"

Maggie gave her an embarrassed smile, which marred the carefree, elfin aura for a while. "Yah…I was in an all girl’s Music School the whole time…I mean I have dated guys from our ‘brother school’ but…it’s not the same. He’s really different…" She took Mina’s hand into hers and made eye contact.

"The drummer in Joe’s band. Craig Anderson. I knew he had a crush on me…I mean…I can tell the signs. He kinda waited for me outside the Coliseum one day and we started talking. I made lunch for him and now…we’re going out for a movie!" Her grip on Mina tightened with each word and Mina smiled warmly, influenced by her new friend’s exuberance at everything, even a simple date with a guy.

The drummer? Hmm…I have no impression…

"Don’t tell Frank alright? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…" The girl who seemingly could never grow up begged with Mina who pretended to look a little apprehensive.

"Gee Maggie, I don’t know…I hate keeping secrets…"

She’ll spill it out before I do.

"Mina!!!! Please…."

 

Seeing Maggie’s helpless look and how her voice became that of a little girl, Mina spared her and burst out laughing.

"I was only kidding. But you keep yourself safe, alright? And tell me everything."

Maggie placed a hand on her chest and sighed- her fears had disappeared. Once again, she was that carefree, innocent little girl, waiting for her prince charming.

"I’ve spoken to your brother." Mina confessed. It was entirely unintentional, she had not known that he would be taking the same module as her.

"Frank?" Maggie asked, misunderstanding Mina. Mina shook her head and Maggie’s eyes widened in alarm.

"Omigosh! Did he kill you? No…you’re still here… Did he go all crazy? How? Why?" More questions pelted at Mina, who could only think of Joe’s mien- the austere sapphire eyes with a thousand conflicting emotions radiating from them, the sculptured angular face, all delicate and rugged. He was a contradiction- a confusion.

That melancholy demeanor. That deep love for Vanessa…

"I’m alive and well. And I think I have found the answer I want." She gave Maggie a reassuring look.

Maggie pressed her lips together and nodded. "He would never kill anyone. I know the question in your mind the moment you said you wanted to ask something. Everyone wants to ask that. I asked that of myself many, many times. But Joe only talks to Frank, Frank never tells anyone what Joe says. I’m an outsider in their brotherly bond…but not so far on the outside to not know something.

Someone like Joe…if you knew him before…is too full of love for the world to allow any horror to be done by his hands…" Maggie rubbed her eyes, rubbing away the tears. "Please Mina, whatever answer you’ve reached, don’t re-open another trial…let the past be past…"

Mina patted Maggie’s hand, the one holding on to hers. "My answer is a good one. I don’t know how I arrived at it but I just know it. It came to me and I believe." She pressed a palm against her heart.

"Your brother needs help. I’m very sure of it. He needs help fast."

"You’re a weird girl." Maggie looked at her, amused and relieved.

"So I have been told many, many times."

***

Joe returned to his dorm room and found Mina waiting outside his room. His hostel block was simply a hostel block, not one of those private fraternity ones and thus, anyone could just enter as and when they liked.

No one cares about safety here. But it’s the cheapest block.

He was startled to see her and was a little flustered. Wanting solitude, he had thought he could find some in the confusion that was his realm. Now that this crazy little girl had disturbed his carefully thought out plan to sleep the whole day and the whole night in one stretch, he wanted to turn the other way and go back to the Tudor house, to the other room of his that he no longer felt the attachment for. It was too sweet, too innocent- a product of his adolescent years.

Turn around, Joe. Turn around and softly sneak away. She won’t know…

"Hey!" She spotted him. Her back had been facing his, thus most probably, something prompted her to just turn around then. There was no way he could make himself vanish into thin air so he just stood there, hands in his pocket, head hung low.

Ostriches think that if they can’t see anyone, no one can see them.

I’m like an ostrich now.

"Hello…" He greeted her back hesitantly, peering at her from beneath his overgrown fringe. After a moment’s pause, he indicated to his door.

"You came to see me?"

She smiled and at that moment, he thought she seemed like she had a haloed glow about her. Joe did not think he knew her well but he knew that she was a good girl inside. "Yes, I knocked on your door for a while, but I didn’t get any response so I thought I’d just wait here."

"So…can I come in?"

Joe’s lips curled in a insincere, half-smile. The truth was he did not want her to stay. However, something caused him to be extremely reluctant to see her go. Could be her eyes, her relationship with Vanessa. Could be anything but he could not pinpoint the exact reason.

Can be everything.

"Yah…but it’s still kinda messed up." He paused and an afterthought- a kind of strange concern flooded him.

"You know…a pretty girl like you should not come into an all male hostile block just like that…I know the kind of person I am, but I can’t vouch for others…"

"Hmm…I’ll keep that in mind. I’m here to actually help you with your messed up room." She saw his baffled expression and let out a small, tinkling chuckle that sounded like wind chimes from the heavens.

"Alright. I’ll be clearer. I’m here to help you clean up your room."

Damn! Why am I getting this horrible sinking feeling in my guts? And images of stinking brooms and mop whirling in my head?

He blanched and she broke into childlike, merry laughter.

***

Mina stepped into the room to find a sandy-blond hair guy with marmalade streaks lying on his stomach on the second bed, his ears glued to those popular headphones with drum beats leaking out of them and copying some assignment furiously while eating a drippy and greasy hamburger at the same time. Joe grunted to acknowledge his roommate and the guy grunted back. When the pair of intense green eyes drifted a little and saw Mina, the owner did a double take, sat up immediately and wiped the ketchup away from his lips.

"She’s only a girl. Do you have to embarrass our species like that?" Joe muttered dryly. Mina bristled at being called only a girl. A few seconds earlier, he had said she was pretty and had showed genuine concern for her safety.

He’s so unpredictable. Every facet of him is him. And every aspect so different from the next. Still volatile; still confused.

"Screw you, Joey." The guy dropped his pen and put his hamburger away, resting it naked on his bedside table. Excitedly, he climbed out of bed and extended a ketchup stained hand to her.

"I’m Shane. You can call me Shane."

"Or moron." Joe mumbled again. Mina caught his sarcasm and frowned at him for a second before she turned to Shane, beamed and shook his hand, not letting the sticky ketchup bother her.

"I’m Mina. Pleased to meet you."

"She’s here to help us clean our room." Joe informed Shane but raised his hands in surrender when he saw that his warning of sorts fell on deaf ears.

"Forget it. Why do I even care to tell you what she’s trying to do to us and our nice little nest?"

Shane, who was still holding on to Mina and gazing at her happily, did not hear his friend. Joe rolled his eyes, took a thin book from one of the table and threw it at Shane’s head. Shane let go of Mina’s hand immediately, rubbing the back of his head, mouthing an ‘ouch’.

Mina was glad for the rescue, which she was a little too gracious to perform herself, seeing how dumbstruck Shane was. Deep inside, she was very flattered as well. Shane was attractive in his own way- a rebellious streak with the word ‘lost’ painted on his face.

"Hey Shane…could you kindly help get the mop, broom and some aprons?" Joe gave Shane a sickly saccharine smile and Shane scowled at his roommate. Mina wondered about the relationship between the two of them- if they were friends or each other’s punching bag.

"We’ve got a mop and broom somewhere hidden in the common kitchen." Shane muttered, seemingly reluctant to leave his spot- which was right in front of Mina.

"Never mind…I’ll go. You can ogle all you want but don’t touch her." Joe warned Shane and Mina blushed again, touched and yet embarrassed by his concern. From the corner of her eye, she saw that Joe noticed her bashfulness and flushed cheeks, and bit down on his lips before exiting the room, but not before leaving the door open with a door stopper.

"So…hmm…make yourself comfortable! It’s nice to have someone who…ahmm…well…help us clean up around…we kinda…" Shane was rubbing his clammy hands on his jeans and Mina gave him as warm a smile as remotely possible to calm him down. He must be startled by her sudden appearance of course.

"Thanks. I will. I hope I’m not disrupting anything." She gestured towards his assignments and he shook his head furiously.

"No…no….it’s high time this room gets sorted out…I can’t find half my notes all the time! Which is…" His voice trailed off as he watched Mina walked over to his bed to glance at his assignments. Mina sensed an immediate defensive mood.

"I’m not copying! If that’s what you’re thinking…I’m ah…just…referencing.. hmm…" His voice got smaller and smaller and he ended his incoherent babbles with a wide, discomfited grin.

"Oh…it doesn’t matter. Econometrics is difficult…I used to reference from my friends all the time in high school. As long as we understand our work in the end…a little slacking off now and then should not be a problem. Of course we don’t reference in tests and exams…I guess…hey…it’s not good but it’s part of our ‘education’…" She winked at him, dropping her dead solemn expression to let a little fun in. Shane heaved a sigh of relief.

At that moment, Joe came in the room, struggling with a bucket, a broom and a mop. "Hey weasel! Help me out here will you? And you, crazy girl, since you’re the one who wants to clean my room, you can help pick up the clothes on the floor with Shane before sweeping up and mopping it up." He instructed them before dumping all that he was carrying onto the already cluttered floor.

Mina raised her brows at Joe’s caustic words. Again, she was baffled- disrupted- and not too pleased by the way he ordered her, which was not in good humor, and how he called her a crazy girl. A childish, disgruntled voice came into her head. Her face turned sullen.

You’re the crazy one!

"So…I take these and pick up the clothes too? What will you be doing? Not fair!" Shane protested helplessly.

Joe gave him another sickly sweet look. "I’ll sit here and watch you two. Like an evil stepbrother, watching over Cinder and Cinderella."

Now, where did the sarcasm come from?

***

It was ‘sevenish’ at night when Joe walked Mina to his van, intending to give her a ride back home. He had not just sat down and watched while Shane and Mina spring-cleaned the sty. He had done much, sorting out the wardrobes, climbing up and down to clean the ceiling fan and other assorted tasks that he had been dreading to do his whole life. He and Shane had a small dorm room, however, because of the state it was in, it had taken them the whole afternoon to get it to seem inhabitable again.

"Joe, why’s your wardrobe empty?"

"It’s not."

"It’s empty…you can take a look yourself."

"The floor is our wardrobe and our largest shelf, Mina. It’s definitely not empty."

Chuckling softly to himself at the brief discussion he had with Mina and remembering her stoicism in trying to get the room spick and span, he felt some of his darkness dispersing away but he had no idea if it was temporary or permanent. Mina’s great plan to put some order into his life probably worked. For those few hours he had used to exert himself doing chores, he was distracted from his problems and it felt great.

"Why are you laughing?" Mina inquired in that quiet, tinkling voice of hers. Joe saw her eyes shining with the starlight. Vanessa’s image came to his mind and he tried to remember it with love, not sadness. He tried very hard.

I think that’s what I should do. Maybe…maybe it’s time…

What about the other…no…not now…never…I will never find the time to think about it…never…

Keep it down…bury it…keep it away…hide it away…yes…that’s right. Good brains.

"Nothing. Just…I didn’t know housework could be so fun. How a clean room can bring some …I don’t know. I just hope we can upkeep it in future." Joe gave her a half-truth. The housework was not fun, it sidetracked him a while from his darkness but it was definitely not fun.

"Sometimes, its good to look at things from another perspective…like what you’re trying to do now. It’s heartening." Mina was serious as she spoke. Joe looked into her prim and proper countenance and a sudden urge overflowed his being. He was feeling very mischievous unexpectedly.

He bent his knees and waddled like a duck. He waddled in a circle, a pensive look etched on his face. Then he waddled back towards Mina and saw that she was perplexed, probably thinking that he was crazy. A part of him was glad that the car park which serviced his old hostel block was deserted, so no one could have seen how stupid he must had looked.

Yes, I’m crazy. But it’s the kind of craziness that I liked.

"What are you doing? You sick or something?" She asked in a slightly worried tone.

"Nope. Just trying to look at things from a different perspective." He faced her squarely and gave her a knowing look. "Hmm…you look different when I can finally see you face to face…heck the world looks very different from your level! Very different. You sure you’re getting enough fresh air down here? I’m suffocating."

Her lips curled as she tried to look annoyed but failed miserably. Giggling, she slugged him lightly with a textbook as he stretched himself to his full height. Once again, she was that diminutive girl who had managed to touch his heart in her own way. He was not falling in love; he was falling into friendship.

"You’re corny!" She swung her textbook at him again and he ducked easily.

"Are you amaized by my wheats?" He could not resist the lame joke. Though he could not see himself, he imagined his own eyes to sparkle like precious sapphire stones. Like before.

And it’s good. I’m not released from my demons. I have a lot to face everyday. And there’s this big, ugly stinking one that would not let go of me. In its clutches, I have been dying slowly.

But I will walk on. I will walk on. I don’t know how. Maybe this is the start. Let today be a start. The demon cannot win.

I’m going to Frank. I may tell him everything. Yesterday, in Vanessa’s room, I’ve found something again.

I’ve found her love. It’s good enough. It’s more than good enough. One day, I’ll find her forgiveness.

Holding her side with her left hand because she was chuckling so hard silently, Mina raised the other one in a silent plea for Joe to stop his corniness as she tried to stop shaking with muted laughter. Joe hesitantly put an arm around her. Though his hand was screaming for him to let go, to not touch her, to not defile her with his sins, he willed himself to keep it there. Willed himself to not let go.

Because she won’t mind. I know she won’t.

She looked up at him then and he saw a glitter in her deep grey eyes. That was when he retracted his hand- partly because he could no longer stand the insistent shrieking that the perfidious hand was making and because he saw what he could not encourage her.

"I’ll take you back." He spoke too gruffly and her expression, so joyful before, immediately became confused.

"It’s late." he added, swearing under his breath at himself for his inability to keep the darkness away for long.

Or maybe it has never meant to leave. Just teasing me by leaving me alone for a while…and then…

It all comes back to me.

***