THE SECOND TRIAL- THE LAST DEFENSE PART II

"But should we let him take the blame? The gun in his hand does not prove anything. Her prints were found on it as well. It is reasonable that he could have, in that moment of anguish, picked up the gun- unable to register in his mind- the danger of being implicated. You have heard how someone could be irrational when faced with such a scene. He had wanted to propose to her. He had searched for her to propose to her, to ask her to forgive him and share her life with him. Guess what? He found her dead. How rational can he get?

Obviously not rational enough to know that he did not make the choice for her. He may be guilty of not being understanding enough. He may be guilty of being impulsive and hotheaded. But which of us has never flared up in anger before, has never refuse to forgive immediately? Can he know the future? No. We cannot convict him of a crime he did not commit. There is definitely reasonable doubt in this case. To convict him will be to bring an innocent man down. That is something we can never ever do." Hector paused for a moment, eyeing the uncomfortable jury. Suicide made everyone uncomfortable. The silence hung heavily in the air and a mother’s painful sobs echoed in the hollow chamber. Not Laura’s sobs.

Andrea’s. Andrea’s drops of precious pearls.

"When they found him, he was cradling her. This young man is full of love for Vanessa Bender. Even though her face was beyond recognition, he felt no repulse. He felt no fear. He cradled her, like how you would cradle someone to give comfort, to give love. He wanted the best for the both of them- to put the ring on her finger. He never wanted this evil. Never this evil."

PRESENT

 

I am on a sunny beach, just relaxing on the sand. Lying next to me is a girl, my girl and she is so beautiful. She has ash blond hair and bedroom grey eyes that are so enchanting. I had once thought she had weaved a spell over me, not that I minded. She can hold me in thrall forever and I’ll never mind.

Because I love her so much, so much that I don’t know how to begin to profess my love.

It’s summer. In my dream, it’s always summer.

Laughter filled the air. My old friends all frolicking on the shallow waters of the beach. Vanessa wants to join them and I allow her to. I am so tired as the sun that’s beating into my eyes is making me sleepy.

"You can go. But you must always come back to me."

She smiles. Her smile is so sweet. Tenderly, she kisses me on both cheeks, more soothing than any lullaby. I close my eyes. I want to sleep.

A scream! Someone’s calling for me! Urgently shouting for me. I shot my eyes open, and to my disbelief, the sea’s turning red!

Red like blood.

"Where is she? Where’s Vanessa?" I grab hold of my brother who points out towards the sea, gesturing anxiously to the coppery vastness of doom.

Wasting no time, I jump in. She’s bobbing up and down, very far away from me. I am swimming as fast as I can, so fast that my muscles scream from the exertion. But she never seems closer. In fact, she seems to be drifting further and further away from me. It’s like I’m swimming on the spot as she keeps moving out.

She’s so very far, so very, very far.

"Vanessa!" I call out, treading in the water, trying to get my bearings right again. I cannot even see her, I cannot see my love!

"Vanessa!!!" My legs have this numbing pain and I can no longer kick myself afloat. I am sinking even as I struggle bravely against the currents that want to overwhelm me with their power and strength.

The water tastes like blood.

And suddenly, she appears in front of me. I want to reach out but I can’t. She is giving me a sweet sad smile.

God! She’s saying goodbye. She can’t say goodbye…I want to tell her so many things but I am muted.

I want to grab her, to bring her to safety but she is fading in front of me, slowly vanishing to nothingness.

I am sinking now. I am swallowing the bloodied waters.

I have killed her. I have drunk her blood.

Vanessa…

Once again, I know it will never be summer. It will never be just about the surf, sand and sea. It will never be only just laughter, joy and peace.

Summer can be so unbearably hot, and yet, refusing to warm my heart.

***

His mobile shrilled urgently, annoyingly. Reaching around for it, knowing that it was somewhere on his bedside table, he knocked over a plastic cup with some liquid still inside. He felt the wet spill and knew that he would have to clean it up later because it was not water. Judging from the smell, it should be some alcoholic stuff, maybe vodka.

Damn.

Finally he found the mobile after rummaging some more. With his eyes still closed, he answered the call.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" The angry voice sounded like Shane. Now, why would his normally stoned band mate cum room mate be so furious?

"Huh?" He replied groggily. He was so sleepy and it did not help a single bit that a strange taste coated his tongue.

Copperish taste. Ouch.. I bit my own lips, I think, some time in my sleep.

The dream came back to him. He could remember. But he was numbed to the horror for now.

Because I’m so tired.

"ITS ELEVEN! AT NIGHT! GIG STARTED HALF AN HOUR AGO! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT EVER COMING BACK TO US AGAIN! SEE YOU LIKE NEVER!" He heard Shane disconnect the call. After moment’s pause, he threw his slim mobile, a Nokia- a present from Frank the techno geek-, back onto the table and went back to his dream.

It would be a new one of course.

It’s terrible. It’s going to be so terrible. But that’s the only way I can be with her. If it’s terrible, so be it.

I only want to be with her though she may not want to be with me now..

***

Shane fumed as he flung opened the door to the dorm room that he shared with Joe. The untidiness of it made him all the more madder. It was close to midnight. They had scrapped through the gig only because Wayne could remember the some of the lyrics and sang in place of Joe but it sounded different. Wayne did not have that morbid streak in him to make the songs sound dead- to make it sound like the antichrist was coming and everyone should just lay down and die.

This is how pessimistic my dear irresponsible friend is.

And when Wayne missed some verses, the flow of the songs were disrupted. The chords were haywire and even Craig beats sounded unsure.

Irresponsible Jerkass!

There was his roommate, his pseudo best friend, under the covers in a restless sleep. Shane had gone through that phase before in his life. The sleeping away of all troubles only to wake up feeling worse. He should be able to empathize but he felt like he had empathized far too often.

"Hey! Wake up!" He pulled the covers away roughly, switched on the nightlight next to Joe’s bed, and directed the glaring bulb into Joe’s face. Joe stirred and his eyes opened blurrily, only to squint against the strong intruding rays.

"Hell, what the…"

"You owe us an apology. You owe ME an apology. I had to lie for you! You know how Craig is- he’s looking for every chance to throw you out!" Shane grabbed Joe’s t-shirt and pulled his sluggish torso up.

Joe pushed him away and fell back on the bed again. Ignoring Shane, he switched off the nightlight and the room was once again in darkness.

"Just leave me alone will you?" Joe mumbled. "Acting like Frank all the time. All of you."

"Fine! I’ll leave you alone. We have always left you alone. But Wayne and I came to a conclusion." Shane sat down on his bed, breathing in deep so he could have the courage to break the news.

Because the news was not a happy one. It would hurt his friend but they felt that it was better for Joe who seemed to be too pre-occupied with whatever plane of existence he was on lately.

Joe slammed the back of his left hand against his forehead.

"Just spill it out will you?"

"We think you should take a break from the band for a while." Shane spoke seriously; spoke softly.

That wasn’t too bad. He’s not even flinching.

"Alright. Now, leave me alone. You disturbed my sleep." Joe spoke flatly.

Your sleep disturbed you.

"Aren’t you going to ask me why?" Shane stared at his friend in concern. He had expected Joe to lash out, to punch him even.

But he doesn’t really like touching people…so I’m safe from the punches.

"No," came the soft growl.

"I’m telling you anyway. Because you no longer show the level of commitment. Until you can treat what we do seriously again, we don’t want you in. But we’re still friends alright?"

There was no response. Joe had fallen into his slumber again. The deep, drowning slumber. Shane sighed. He had not given Joe the real reason. The truth was that the gig went a little too sloppy that night and the manager, a mean, unforgiving portly man, sacked them. Wayne thought the best way to get Joe to sober up from his absentee habit was to let him go cold turkey for a while.

And that would give Joe time to sort out his problems. Shane could guess some of Joe’s dark, hidden secrets. The fact that Joe used to be in jail was no secret. People in campus, including some lecturers, still gave Joe the suspicious look all the time, thinking that they had allowed a fugitive into the campus. And Shane could hear, at times, the mumbles Joe made in his sleep. Sometimes, he sounded afraid.

Sometimes, he seemed to be pining for something long gone- his so dead girlfriend.

They would all help Joe, well, maybe Shane and Wayne would. But Shane did not know how. He needed help himself.

I think I drink too much. But not as much as Craig though. I think therapy’s working for me.

And now, I’m dead broke. I wonder if dad will wire some money over.

Nay, he won’t. He hates me. He can’t wait to get rid of me. I think I should ask for my share of inheritance now. Hmm…that’s a good idea. So I’ll be gone forever from the only father I have ever known.