Frank drew back, still feeling the coldness of Joe's skin against his lips. Now that he had said his goodbye, he couldn't bear to look at Joe's face, knowing that he would never, ever find it in his heart to let go, no matter how he tried. His brother was dead. Dead. Dizziness assaulted him out of the blue and he felt his head swim.

Closing his eyes, he shuddered as the coldness spread from his lips, seeping into his cheeks and suffusing his face as if liquid ice had penetrated his bloodstream the moment Joe breathed his last breath. But he was thankful for the cold, the numbness a haven from the turmoil in his heart.

"Frank..."

"I know, Dad," he whispered. God, he felt so cold. Empty.

"Frank, please...open your eyes."

What for? Frank thought. It's not as if Joe's going to wake up and walk out of here. Even if I cried blood tears Joe is never going to wake up.

"Frank, please wake up." Someone was sobbing.

His eyes still closed, Frank could feel a hand squeezing his lightly. Wake up? Wake up from what? This dream? This nightmare? Oh Dad if only I could...If only this was all a dream...

"Frank, snap out of it!!!!" Someone was yelling now. Frank jerked, gasping as his eyes flew open.

"Wh-Wh-" Frank's blurry vision cleared just enough to make out a figure hovering over him. Wait a minute. Why am I lying on my back? I thought I was-Oh. I get it. I must have fainted.Grief once again assaulted Frank in full force, his fresh tears burning hot against his cold cheeks. He closed his eyes again, his throat constricting as he pictured Joe's pale, pale face...

"Joe..." he whimpered. Oh Joe, why did you leave me?

"I'm right here, Frank."

Frank's heart nearly stopped. He must be hearing things now. He could have sworn that was Joe's voice. Once again, realization dawned on him and he relaxed, feeling a rush of happiness and excitement coursing through him. No wonder he felt so cold. He must be dead. Now I can see Joe, he thought joyfully. He's asking me to join him. Then we'll be together again.

Frank opened his eyes and smiled. Joe was sitting on the ground next to him. His little brother with his unruly blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. His beautiful little brother.

"I knew you'd come and get me. I knew you wouldn't leave me like that," Frank whispered, exhausted. Gosh, dying sure was painful Every limb and muscle in his body screamed in protest, weakness throbbing in his every nerve. Frank opened his eyes again. God, his head hurt. Spots of bright of shining light marred his vision, creating an ethereal aura of light around Joe. He giggled.

"Hey, Joe, you have a halo on your head." Frank giggled again. Joe made a cute angel.

"Frank, you're scaring me..." Joe said, his voice trembling. He dipped the cloth back into the ice he'd melted with the little fire he'd made. Frank's eyes, though open and staring, were blank and unseeing. Joe shivered as another chill ran through him, each breath of the icy, cold air stabbing his lungs like knives. He'd taken off his heavy coat and parka to cover Frank. Frank needed the heat more than him.

"Frank, do you remember where you are?" Joe asked worriedly, dabbing his brother's face with the damp cloth. When Frank didn't answer him, terror and helplessness conspired together to bring tears to his eyes. Frank had been unconscious for days and Joe had been terrified, so terrified...He had never felt so alone in his life. "Frank, please..."

Frank lay still for a second, recognizing the tinge of fear and worry in his brother's voice. What's going on? He wondered. The last thing he remembered was Joe flat-lining in the hospital. And then the world came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks.

"Joe?" Frank croaked out. "Is that you?"

"It's me, Frank," Joe said softly, failing to hide the joy on his face. Frank's eyes flickered open again, and this time Joe was overjoyed to see the glimmer of recognition in those familiar brown eyes. Thank God, Joe thought. He thought Frank would never wake up.

"Frank, why are you staring at me like that?" Joe said, beginning to get worried again. Frank's eyes were as wide as saucers. In panic, Joe took his brother's wrist. Frank's pulse was running like a runaway train. "Do you remember what happened to you?"

Frank couldn't believe his eyes. It's really Joe, he realized, staring at his brother. It's really him. I'm not dreaming. "Frank, what do you remember?" Joe asked again, ignoring the pain in his cramped muscles as he bent forward and wiped Frank's perspiring forehead. Despite the cold biting into his skin, sweat was pouring down Frank's face.

Frank closed his eyes again, struggling to make sense of it all. His mind felt jumbled, as if it taken a ride through a roller coaster. His head still hurt something fierce so Frank decided to go slow, unraveling every piece of memory slowly. He remembered waking up, thinking that he'd died and gone to heaven, reunited with Joe at last. Wait, that's not right. Vivid images flashed through his mind, sometimes too fast for him to grasp. He swallowed hard. He remembered Haydin and what he did to Joe...he remembered how ill and thin Joe had been the past few months...he remembered the trial...he remembered Joe's birthday party...hell, he remembered everything. So why did he feel like he was missing something?

"What the hell happened?" Frank whispered to himself. And how did I get here? Isn't Joe supposed to be dead? He groped his stiff fingers on the ground, touching something wet and cold.

Ice. Frank tensed visibly as the memory came at last.

Everywhere he looked, he saw nothing but ice and snow.

Joe breathed in deeply. "I love the mountain air." When he exhaled, clouds of steam billowed out from his mouth. "Ahh...my breath is so fresh!!!!"

"You sound like that stupid toothpaste ad on TV," Frank said, smiling. He sighed in satisfaction as he scanned the mountain peaks in the distance. He couldn't believe that just yesterday they were on the East Coast, eating take-out Chinese and relaxing in front of the TV. But now they were practically swallowed by snow in the Rocky Mountains about eight miles from the nearest town and three miles from the trailhead where they left their rented car.

Joe studied the terrain in front of him in awe. Halfway down the slope into the valley were pine trees and the pure whiteness of the snow made all colors even richer, the green of the trees, even the blue of the sky.

"Thanks for bringing me here, Frank," Joe said. "This is the best birthday present ever."

"You're welcome." Then they shared a moment of awkward silence.

Suddenly Joe planted his pole in front of him, stabbing into the snow. With his typical impulsive enthusiasm, he pushed off with his poles into the smooth motions of cross-country skiing.

Frank shook his head, staring after his brother's retreating back. Joe was like an over-loaded machine sometimes, always on the go and ready to rumble. And sometimes, even he couldn't catch up with him.

But this won't be one of the times, Frank vowed as he followed suit, aiming his skis into the twin grooves carved by his brother, his heart pounding in excitement as he felt the rush of air, refreshing and exhilarating. The cold didn't bother him, and neither did it bother Joe as both brothers wore brand-new insulated ski suits, courtesy of their father.

Suddenly Frank heard a loud rumble in his ear, the roar getting louder and louder by the second. At first Frank thought maybe he'd imagined it, but then as he skied down the slope, he risked a glance backward, his heart nearly stopping.

"AVALANCHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Frank screamed, pushing himself further and faster on his skis. He had to get Joe out of the way. His brother was just 10 feet away from him now but in his own excitement, Joe didn't seem to hear Frank's warning.

"JOE, GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!" He slammed into his brother and tackled Joe around the waist, sending both of them sprawling far to the side just a waterfall of ice and snow crashed toward the spot where they'd been just a few seconds ago, narrowly missing them by a few feet. Frank's momentum drove them skidding straight into a pine tree, and just as Joe's head was about to slam into the bark, Frank twisted his body, enveloping Joe in his embrace, protecting his brother from the inevitable head-on collision with the tree.

Suddenly a wave of pain shot through his head, and the last thing Frank saw before he blacked out was his brother's limp body lying next to him, blood oozing from a gash on his forehead.

Frank gasped.

"Joe?" he whispered, starting to cry.

"Yes, Frank, it's me-" Joe was about to say through his own tears of joy when suddenly with an amazing surge of strength, Frank sat up despite all his injuries and threw his arms around him, squeezing the breath out of him. A lump rose in Joe's throat when Frank started shaking and sobbing, his body trembling so badly Joe could feel every shudder through the thin shirt he was wearing despite the cold. The emotions were so palpable Joe could feel them pouring out of Frank like a fountain of water.

"Frank, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Joe asked anxiously, shaken by Frank's sudden display of emotions.

"Am I okay?" Frank gasped out, and though tears still streamed down his face, Frank had the sudden urge to laugh. Instead, he burst into sobs again. The only thing he could think of was that his brother was still alive. Alive and breathing and well. Joe's not dead, Joe's not dead, it was all a dream, a GODDAMN dream...

"Joe, I thought you were dead," Frank cried, drawing back when Joe began gasping. But when Joe was able to catch his breath, Frank enveloped his brother again in a tight hug. Oh, thank God, Frank thought.

Frank leaned back after a while and took a long, hard look at his brother. He still couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that the Joe in front of him was still his innocent, healthy, full-of-life kid brother that would be with him always. Not the person he thought he had watched slowly and painfully die in front of his eyes. Frank reached out a hand and touched his brother's cheek.

Joe resisted the urge to recoil, too worried about his brother's state of mind, his going wide as Frank's fingers moved up to stroke his hair. Had Frank gone loco when he hit his head? Oh God, I knew I should have tried to find the way back to town. But then Frank had been unconscious and he couldn't just leave him behind. Thankfully, he had spotted the tiny, abandoned cabin and that was where he had nursed Frank. Well, tried to, Joe thought with growing horror. "Frank, are you okay?"

Frank didn't answer him. Instead like a wild animal, Frank lunged and before Joe could push him back, Frank had reached for the zipper of his suit and with one tug, pulled it down, exposing the smooth, pale flesh of Joe's torso. Joe yelped. "Frank, what are you doing??!!" He began to panic. Frank's gone crazy! He realized. With his hands he tried to push Frank away but Frank, despite his battered condition held him down with amazing strength. Joe stifled a scream when Frank tugged the zipper lower.

"Frank, get off me!!! What the hell do you think you're doing!!!" Joe's teeth started chattering as the cold bit into his bare skin.

"No scar," Frank whispered.

"What?" Joe couldn't believe his ears.

"No scar," Frank repeated. He stared at a spot on Joe's stomach, where the scar from the gastrectomy was supposed to be. Now there was only smooth, clear skin. No scars, no anything. "It was right here..."

"Frank, stop it." Joe at last pushed Frank away, zipping up his suit. He was more worried than angry though.

"You're not making any sense!"

"Frank what's wrong?" Joe asked, noticing the far-away look in his older brother's face.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just glad you're OK." his rasped. His voice was a little scratchy, and not just from the cold air.

"I'm glad too. I thought you were going to die on me," Joe said, his voice wavering. He was slightly shivering. Though a little shaken by Frank's strange behavior, he decided not to dwell on the matter. What mattered was Frank had woken up. Although a bit disoriented, Joe noticed.

Frank pulled back his covers and patted the spot on the ground next to him He had noticed that Joe was wearing only his suit. He'd obviously given up his heavy jacket just to keep Frank warm and Frank felt deeply touched. Reluctantly, Joe moved in closer, still afraid that Frank would go out of his mind again. "Promise you won't go crazy on me again?" God, he was cold. He'd been cold for a while but it had been manageable, until Frank had tried to take his clothes off. What the hell, he thought as he lay down beside his brother.

"I promise," Frank laughed. He knew Joe was shaken but he just had to make sure. He knew now that he'd woken up from the bad dream, and a very bad dream was all that it was, and will ever be. Frank inwardly shivered. He had just been through hell, and now he was back. But why did he have such a terrible nightmare in the first place? Rape? Cancer? HIV? Dying? That was one hell of a combination for a mere nightmare. Had it been a premonition, or just a warning to always take his role as protecting his brother seriously?

Oh, hell, Frank thought tiredly. He didn't care about that now. He only cared that his brother was alive and well, but he would never tell Joe his nightmare. Let it just be a secret that I'll bring with me everywhere I go, a secret that will stay with me until the day I die, Frank vowed as he covered them both with the blankets. He could feel just how cold Joe was even with the little fire that warmed the room.

"Joe, I want you to promise me something," Frank said quietly, wrapping an arm around his brother when he felt Joe shiver again. Joe, grateful for the extra warmth, snuggled deeper into the blanket.

Joe, who had closed his eyes, spoke, "What's that?"

"I want you to always stay with me. No matter what happens, I want you to know you can always depend on me. I'm going to protect you until my dying breath," Frank replied, looking down at his brother's face, which had adopted a tiny frown. One blue eye cracked open and stared at Frank suspiciously. But Frank looked so serious, so-protective. Suddenly Joe was glad he had taken up Frank's offer to go skiing even though it turned out to be a major wipe-out with an avalanche as the main course and getting stranded in the middle of nowhere as the side dish.

"I promise Frank. I promise," Joe replied, finally drifting off to sleep.

As Frank watched Joe drift to sleep, Frank offered a silent prayer of thanks, and knew that he had been blessed. Though the whole ordeal had only been a nightmare, he knew parts of it were true. He knew Joe would die for him, and he would do the same thing for him. What the dream was trying to show him was that there were no boundaries to the bond they shared. It tried to show Frank that Joe had indeed died for him, and now Frank was blessed to be given a second chance to show Joe that he would do the same too if the need came. And most of all, Frank was blessed to have the best brother in the world anyone could ever wish for.

"You're a blessing, kiddo," Frank whispered, staring at his brother's sleeping face.

"You too, Frank," the muttered reply came. "Now will you cut all this mushy-mushy stuff out coz I really am trying to sleep here." Frank laughed softly, for the first time in what felt like a long, long time feeling totally relaxed.

"Just don't buy me socks again for Christmas this year, okay?"

"Okay, kid."

"And don't call me kid. I hate that."

"Whatever you say, kid."

And then the sun set outside the tiny cabin. A new day was going to start soon for Frank and Joe Hardy. A new day full of endless possibilities. A new day together then, and forever joined by the power of the undying love from one brother to another.

 

THE END

 

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