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NOTES OF HOLIDAY CHEER by Dreamweaver Rating:
PG for some profanity
***** ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:42:33 From: Jim Ellison <jellison@cpd.gov> To: Blair Sandburg <bsandburg@cpd.gov> Subject: Isn’t it time…? That you stopped
sulking? Two hours has got
to be a new record, and you’re scaring everybody in the bullpen! It’s not the end
of the world, you know! J. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:44:06 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Oh? > It’s not
the end of the world, you know!< Fat lot YOU know! And
if you think two hours of sulking is a lot, you ain’t seen nothin’
yet, baby! >you’re
scaring everybody in the bullpen!< Good!
I hope they all die of fright…you included! B. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:48:33 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Oh? ME?
Why me? I didn’t
organize the Mayor’s Children’s Christmas Party!
And I didn’t suggest that you be the Elf, either! Jim ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:49:55 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject:
Sure you didn’t! You may not have suggested
it, but you didn’t try to persuade Simon against it, either!
Don’t you know what this is going to do to my credibility
around the station? An ELF,
for God’s sake? Why me?
*seethes* And where the hell
am I supposed to put my GUN, in an elf costume? Blair ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 12, 2000, 10:53:22 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Sure you didn’t >An ELF, for
God’s sake? Why me?< Because you’re
the likeliest candidate – and the rookie.
Be reasonable…can you see anyone else in Major Crimes being an
elf? Besides, you look
elfy. >And where the
hell am I supposed to put my GUN, in an elf costume?< You have a point
there, Junior. Maybe we can
find you a costume with pockets. Now, can’t you
calm down? Please?
I’m beginning to worry about your blood pressure…and I can
tell what it is, remember? Your Sentinel ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:55:38 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject:
Sandburg I’m not sure
picking Blair to be the Elf at the Mayor’s Christmas party was a good
idea. He’s not taking it
too well. He’s been
pouting for over two hours now. And
he’s raised a valid question: where’s
he supposed to carry his gun? Jim ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:55:43 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Re: Sure you didn’t >can you see
anyone else in Major Crimes being an elf?< Why not H?
Or Rafe? Or Rhonda?
Or Megan? Those
costumes were MADE with women in mind! >Besides, you
look elfy.< ELFY?
I LOOK ELFY? What
the hell is that supposed to mean? >Maybe we can
find you a costume with pockets< How about you just
dangle me from the flagpole in front of the precinct?
The humiliation factor would be about the same! And leave my blood
pressure out of this! It’s
YOUR fault it’s so high! B. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:58:04 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject:
Sandburg We’ll have to
tackle the gun question. I
hadn’t thought about that. I’m sorry
Sandburg’s so upset, but I had no choice!
Who else would make a decent elf? Simon ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:25:35 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
Humiliation factor Chief, calm down.
You’re all exclamation points. Megan and H
can’t be elves. They’re
reindeer. And Rhonda was the
Elf two years ago. And can
you really see Rafe in an elf costume?
Give me a break! ‘Elfy’
wasn’t an insult. It just
means you’re sorta…exotic-looking.
Would you prefer ‘elvish?’ Want to go to
lunch? Maybe it would make
you feel better…. Jim ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:26:48 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject:
Elf-napping Can’t we get an
elf from another department? Steal
one somewhere? J. P.S.
If ever confronted with this, I’ll deny it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:43:29 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject:
lunch NO!
I never want to go to lunch with you again!
Go to hell! **seethes again**
ELFY! ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:53:13 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Re:
Elf-napping >Can’t we get
an elf from another department?< I already tried.
Everyone just smirks and says ‘It’s Major Crimes’ turn this
year; tough shit!’ Is Sandburg really
upset about this, or just blowing off steam? S. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:54:05 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: lunch You sure?
It might do you good to get out of here for a little while.
All that drawer-slamming can’t be good for your desk – and a
little while ago you came damned close to smashing your fingers! Come on, huh?
I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings with the ‘elfy’ thing. Jim ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:02:47 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Re: lunch **Deep sigh**
I don’t think I could choke anything down right now…but
thanks for the offer. HOWEVER, if H
keeps singing “What’s it all about, Elfie?” I am going to beat him
over the head with my phone receiver.
I did it to Warren Chapel, and I can do it to him!
With GREAT PLEASURE! Blair ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:05:34 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Sandburg >Is Sandburg
really upset about this, or just blowing off steam?< He’s really
upset. I’m trying to calm
him down, but he thinks it’s a conspiracy against him.
He’s refusing to talk to anyone, even me.
But at least he’ll e-mail. J. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:08:28 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Sandburg Shit Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:09:16 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
Whoa! I asked Brown to
knock it off. Nicely.
He complied right away. It’s
all in how you ask, Chief. What’s so bad
about being an elf, anyway? You
don’t have to wear antlers or a fake beard.
Elves are cool! Jim ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:13:47 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject: Re:
Sandburg You said it.
He refused to go to lunch with me.
This is serious. Could we import
some elves from somewhere else? The
Fire Department? Jim ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:15:32 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Whoa! >What’s so
bad about being an elf, anyway? You
don’t have to wear antlers or a fake beard.
Elves are cool!< Elves are cool in Lord
of the Rings. SANTA’S
elves are so-not-cool. Oh
God, if I have to be an elf, why can’t I be an elf like Orlando Bloom?
**Despairing** I’m going to go
stand out in the street and see if I can get hit by a truck…. S’long. B. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:38:02 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
CHIEF! Damn you,
where’d you go? You’d
better not have meant that, about standing in the street! **Frantic** Jim ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:40:14 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Sandburg I’ve gotta go
find Blair – he said he wants to get hit by a truck! J. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:45:38 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Henri Brown browniepoints@cpd.gov, Brian Rafe GQGuy@cpd.gov, Megan Connor ozzizrule@cpd.gov, Joel Taggart captaggart@cpd.gov. Subject:
Sandburg Whatever you’re
doing to tease Blair, stop it. Jim
thinks he’s gone suicidal! Banks ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:48:09 From: Megan Connor ozzizrule@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov CC: Henri Brown browniepoints@cpd.gov, Brian Rafe GQGuy@cpd.gov, Joel Taggart captaggart@cpd.gov Subject: Re:
Sandburg I haven’t done
anything to Sandy! It’s H! Megan ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:50:23 From: Henri Brown browniepoints@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov CC: Megan Connor ozzizrule@cpd.gov, Brian Rafe GQGuy@cpd.gov, Joel Taggart captaggart@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Sandburg I stopped singing
when Jim said to, I swear! The
man threatened to tear my tongue out! Hairboy isn’t
really suicidal…is he? H. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:55:52 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Henri Brown browniepoints@cpd.gov Subject: Re:
Sandburg Singing? >Hairboy
isn’t really suicidal…is he?< Jim tends to
exaggerate when it comes to Sandburg, but I’d rather not take any
chances. S. Banks ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:15:32 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
STAY PUT! Stay in that chair
until I say you can get up, dammit!
You scared the hell outta me! And will you just
goddamn TALK to me? I’m
sick of e-mailing everything! Your [very jittery] Blessed Protector ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:17:43 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject:
He’s safe… But I think I’m
having a coronary! Ellison ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:18:44 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Re: STAY
PUT! I’m sorry.
I was in the crosswalk, you know.
I did have the right of way.
Even if that guy in the BMW didn’t think so. Breathe, Jim. >And will you
just goddamn TALK to me? I’m
sick of e-mailing everything!< Not yet, I’m
afraid I’ll choke up if I try to talk right now. Blair P.S.
I’ll at least look at the costume.
Maybe we can make some changes so I look more like Legolas
Greenleaf and less like something making cookies in hollow trees? ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:25:29 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
Keebler elves We can try. Wanna go to lunch
NOW? Jim [who is still jittery, but hungry] ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:28:43 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Re:
He’s safe… Are you all right?
Is Sandburg all right? What
happened? Simon ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:30:16 From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Re:
Keebler elves I could eat. B. ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:33:48 From: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject: Re:
He’s safe… We’re fine.
Relatively. I’ll try to
settle the elf gig over lunch. Can
we change the costume a little? He
wants to look like Lord of the Rings instead of Keebler.
Would the Mayor mind? Ellison ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:40:11 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject:
Elf gig He’s got to look
Christmas-y, but we can try. Still
working on where he can put his weapon. Banks ----------------------------------------------------------- Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 3:15:18 From: Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To: Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov Subject: Re: Elf
gig Well?
Accomplish anything? Sandburg
talking yet? Jim, I need
this settled – NOW! Simon ----------------------------------------------------------- Date:
Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:03:22 From:
Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov To:
Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov,
Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov,
Henri Brown browniepoints@cpd.gov,
Brian Rafe GQGuy@cpd.gov, Megan
Connor ozzizrule@cpd.gov, Joel
Taggart captaggart@cod.gov,
Rhonda goldilocks@cpd.gov Subject:
Congratulations Ladies
and Gentlemen, congratulations on a very successful showing at the
Mayor’s Children’s Christmas Party on Saturday afternoon.
You did good, people! Sandburg,
going as ‘Maëglin Helyänwë the woodland elf’ was a stroke of
genius. The kids were
enchanted, and who knew Her Honor was such a Tolkien fan?
Santa was lucky to find Maëglin to help with his toy
distribution this year. And
putting your gun inside your arrow quiver was a great solution to a
sticky problem. Taggart,
you made a great Santa Claus. Rafe,
Connor, Brown, good going, all of you.
Ellison,
that was damn sneaky! Coming
as ‘a friendly detective from the North Pole police department’ just
doesn’t cut it! You were
SUPPOSED to be a reindeer! However,
I am happy to say that next year it will be Homicide’s turn to staff
the annual Christmas party, and we’ll be off the hook. Now,
can we please get a little WORK done around here before the actual
holiday arrives? Simon
Banks ----------------------------------------------------------- Date:
Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:10:55 From:
Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To:
Simon Banks captbanksMC@cpd.gov Subject:
Re: Congratulations >Ellison,
that was damn sneaky! Coming
as ‘a friendly detective from the North Pole police department’ just
doesn’t cut it! You were
SUPPOSED to be a reindeer!< The
costume made me itch. Trust
me on this, Captain – it wouldn’t have been pretty! Ellison ----------------------------------------------------------- Date:
Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:35:27 From:
Jim Ellison jellison@cpd.gov To:
Blair Sandburg bsandburg@cpd.gov Subject:
Merry Christmas, Chief! See?
Told you you’d be a success! Love, Jim P.S.
You can stop chanting in Elvish now ----------------------------------------------------------- Fini
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